Go with the flow

It’s been so long since I’ve written a post, I feared I would have forgotten how to, or that it wouldn’t be as easy as I usually found it.

After staring at my screen for the past 4 hours, I know this to be true. It is good to be back, but a little strange after our mini-break for all things wedding, new-job and regular family chaos mixed in.

So bear with me, I may be rusty.

I’ve had these past few months off from work in which I’ve had to face down my own ego on quite a few occasions. There was a lot of swallowing my pride and observing my natural patterns to find areas where change could take place. I was stuck and getting unstuck isn’t always the easiest feat, but much like being determined to run a half marathon without really training (more on that later), I was determined to use the blessing of time to my betterment.

Throwing myself into my practice was the thing that saved me, I truly do believe. Saved me from my demons and gave me permission to be kind to myself about where I was in life. Learning to let go during class, to be present, mindful, to slow down in my daily life, to live in the moment and accept what it brings and work with it, no matter how the world presented itself to me. I could go on and on about the lessons I’ve learned in the hot room, dripping in sweat, breathing through the movement of the postures with ease or at my edge filled with effort, really forcing myself to internally scan where I needed the most of my self love.

The one thing all of these lessons has had in common though, is that the more you go with the flow of life, the universe if you will, the easier a time you will have.

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I do not mean that you will not struggle. I do not mean you will not hurt, ache, cry, or feel heartsick at any time. I do mean that you will find greater ease when you let go, and go with the flow.

I do not mean you should not pursue your passions or goals and things that set your heart on fire with relentless thirst. I do not mean that you will get everything you think you want, when you want it. I do mean you will have a greater chance of finding the REALLY right path if you do. You will be where you are meant to be, truly.

It’s the act of tapping into synchronicity – the more you pay attention to the little directives, signs and signals you’re being shown regularly, and do your best to quiet your ego and its hunger for centre stage as the main driver, the flow becomes more apparent, your path more clear. And I know from experience that the more you listen for the signals the stronger the frequency becomes. The more you pay attention, the more sense everything eventually makes.

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Growing up, and (let’s be honest) even into my early adult years, I learned a lot of tough lessons the very hard way, by being my own worst enemy and pushing my own plans and agenda on my life. Pushing so hard to get to where I thought I ‘should’ be, where I was convinced I belonged, what my ego told me I wanted, needed and could not live without. Life has a funny way of letting you get only so far and then shutting you down before redirecting you – in my case, always with great force that taught me a lot about putting yourself back together after you’re busted apart for regrowth and redirection.

As I look back on these lessons, I can see if I had applied even a bit of what I’ve learned about synchronicity through yoga, the harm and pain would have been notably less. I am sure the scars from those events would have healed quicker too, maybe might not be so apparent today.

I heard recently that the true act of yoga itself is not in the hot room and really starts to transform and change your life when you begin to practice what you learn on your mat in your life. In all of your relationships, in your employment, in your head with your running commentary to the world and ESPECIALLY to yourself – even in line at the grocery store. The conscious act of slowing down, breathing, actively quieting your inner monologue and literally going with the flow of your day, or the flow and direction of your life, can make or break the kind of life you have.

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As it unfolds in front of you, accept it as if you had chosen it, do what you have to in order to change what you’re able, but for the most part relax, be still and try to work with it.

~ Toni

I’ve found the love

I’ve been working on being more loving and happy.

I know that the first step is loving yourself as you are, even if it is at your worst. And beyond being just okay with yourself, I think that you should have a little bit of vanity in you and have at least one thing about yourself that you love. I have quite a few!

And yes I am going to list the things I LOVE about myself.

My eyes: They are green with a splotch of brown in the middle, and have dark grey on the outer ring. I share them with our Memere; we have the same eyes. They are also like my mood ring because as I am working through things, or not feeling like myself, my eyes seem to change.

My scar: I have a chickenpox scar at the left-hand corner of my mouth. It is shaped like a small eye, and although it is weird, I have had it for so long that I look for it every time I look in a mirror. I have about six of these eye-shaped scars. I think I may be the only one to notice them and I definitely think they are funky and awesome.

My hair: I like it when it is all poofy, all curly, or silky straight. If it is up in a ponytail or a bun, I have been thinking a lot about something. If it is down and curly, like a lion’s mane, it means I am feeling sassier than usual. If it is straight, I wanted to take the extra time to feel and look pretty. I love every bad hair day ever since the day when I was younger and got a hair cut I fondly call ‘The Rachel.’

It was not a good look for me, and I so couldn’t pull it off like Jennifer Anniston could. My hair is crazy wild and not perfect, but hey I think I give a pretty good hair flip when I need to.

And last on today’s list is…

My smile: After years of my sisters trying to get me to smile in pictures, and actually just brighten up, I have grown to love my smile. I like that it isn’t all the time, and that to see it I have to be happy. My smile is picky. It is as though in order to see it I have to actually be really happy, and more and more I am using my smile.

I am learning to love myself and learning that I need to accept my flaws and make changes on the things I am not happy with. I am slowly getting to be a better me and it is a timely and fantastic transformation.

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If you feel up to it, tell me something you love about yourself! And remember to find new things every day to love, just because they are yours.

~ Andreah