English rage

I am a snob. I am a highbrow, high standards, high expectations kind of girl…when it comes to the English language.

I was trained that way – it’s not an excuse, it is simply the reason. I have always been in love with language, and good at spelling and grammar (was that grammatically correct???). And I went to university for professional writing…in English. Writing has always come naturally for me and reading has always been my constant companion (I carry a book everywhere I go…and totally did it waaaaay before Rory Gilmore made it hot).

Of course this means that I have a list of things that irk me. Things that make my eye twitch and my skin crawl and my heart weep for the future of the English language. Things I think are unacceptable and inexcusable.

Mispronunciation

It's SO meem. Just so you know.

It’s SO meem. Just so you know. And *it’s…SERIOUSLY. 

In high school, I totally thought melancholy was pronounced melon-sholly. EW. And I, of course, pronounced this word in front of my arch enemy at the time (we were both vying for the affections of our shared very best friend). She took great pleasure in making fun of me…because I was the English guru, for goodness’ sake! DAMMIT. I still burn with shame and embarrassment. It’s melon-kolly. SERIOUSLY. When I hear people pronounce these words incorrectly, I can’t help but feel like they should be burning in shame…but mostly they’re oblivious or, WORSE, they think they’re being cute. Bleh. For me, these words are the worst:

Supposedly – Did you know that there is is no ‘b’ in this word??? And yet people still say supp-oh-ze-Blee. REALLY??? Supposebly. It doesn’t exist. And if you’re over the age of 7, you’re not cute. You sound uneducated. It’s a ‘D’, people.

Specifically – It frustrates me to no end when people pronounce this word without the ‘s’ on the beginning…like pa-sif-fik-lee. Like the ocean. Pacifically. As opposed to Atlantically??? Is it a geographic adverb that you need in your sentence? Or did you just ignore the first letter, like the first step, and now you’re falling UP, which takes an incredible level of clumsiness and anti-skill. It’s spe-sif-fik-lee. And it has nothing inherently to do with oceans. I promise.

Especially – What’s with words with ‘ally’ in them? This one gets an ‘x’ thrown in where the ‘s’ hangs out. Instead of ‘ess’, we get ‘exs’. It’s weird. And wrong. That is all.

Library – This one is just ridiculous. Do not pronounce the place that holds the books, the things that contain the words, improperly. It’s a slap in the face to English. And there’s no reason for it. It’s lye-br-ary. NOT lye-berry. There’s an extra ‘r’ that demands and deserves respect. Please.

Pumpkin – I don’t know what it is about this one, but it is by far my most enraging mispronunciation on the list. I HATE the word ‘punk-in’. There is no ‘n’ there. There is an ‘mp’. And I feel like anyone who says it this way is a twit. There. I said it. You’re a TWIT. I even correct my 6-year old. There’s just no getting over this one. If you say ‘punk-in’ near me, know that although I am polite and will continue our social interactions like I’m supposed to, in my head I’m throwing a tantrum and smacking the ‘punk’ out of you. You’ve been warned.

Not a 'punk' in sight...

Not a ‘punk’ in sight…

Incorrect spelling

I get it. Spell-check is everywhere, no one needs to know how to spell things, and texting and messaging and Facebook-ing makes spelling things out redundant and time-consuming. I KNOW. I still text in full sentences, but I don’t think everyone should. That is NOT what this is about. This is about people not spelling things the right way when they spell them out. You can LOL and BRB all you want, but PLEASE, for the love of all things holy and contained in the OED, avoid these WTF moments:

Congradulations – In a world with everyone’s every milestone being posted on Facebook, this one gets used. And abused. A LOT. Did you know there is no ‘d’ in congratulations? That it’s a ‘t’?? And that when you use the short-form, ‘congrats’, it’s STILL a ‘t’? NOT A ‘D’. Please, please, please stop ‘congradulating’ people and get back to ‘congratulating’ people…because although their daily workout may not be entirely congratulatory, it’s definitely NOT congraDulatory. And, speaking of which…

Such a dumb-ass.

Such a dumb-ass.

Definately – There is no ‘a’ in ‘definitely’. There just isn’t. Do not ‘definately talk to your doctor’ about your kid’s rash, do not ‘definately get together’ with the high school friend you found on FB, do not ‘definately’ confront your neighbour about the crappy way they park their car in front of your driveway. DEFINITELY do any or all of those things. But NEVER ‘definately’.

Your versus You’re – Look. I get it. They sound the same. They practically look the same. But DUDES, they are SO not the same! Your is all about ownership – that’s yours. Your hair. Your new car. Your drama. YOU OWN IT. But you’re??? It’s a contraction, a smashing together, of two words: you + are. And it is used EVERY time someone says ‘thank you’ to you. You’re welcome. As in, YOU ARE welcome. Not, here is YOUR welcome. You own this welcome. But, I’ve done something awesome, you’re (THERE IT IS AGAIN – you are) grateful, and now, I say, you’re welcome! Like, YOU ARE WELCOME to my awesomeness. Bah. Please? Please. Let’s work on this one. It’s almost as cringe-worthy as ‘punk-in’. Almost.

So...which one are you? Feeling up your nuts, or feeling a little crazy?

So…which one are you? Feeling up your nuts, or feeling a little crazy?

And last, but NOT least:

Words that don’t FREAKING exist

There is only one word on this list and it is enough of a blight on the English-speaking world to make up for any other made-up word you can think of.

Irregardless. There. That’s it. There is no such word as ‘irregardless’. There is regardless, which means ‘without regard’, and then that’s it. THERE IS NO ‘irregardless’. There is no word that means ‘without without regard’. The ‘ir’ is redundant and nonsensical. It makes the word a double negative, but it doesn’t make a word that means ‘full of regard,’ it just makes you sound dumb and me lose all respect for you. You are stripped of your credibility. I can’t be friends with you anymore. Go stand over there with the ‘punkin’ users.

And if you're not, man you sure SOUND stupid.

And if you’re not, man you sure SOUND stupid.

***

Okay. English rage rant over. Now, tell me yours. What makes your skin crawl, your hatred level rise uncontrollably and irrationally (that IS a word), and your need to punch people in the face to surface? Tell me – what are the language ticks that make you wanna go BOOM?

~ Julia

Guest post – How many pins could a pinner nail if a pinner could nail Pinterest?

Julia’s sister-in-law and the Sisterhood’s honourary fifth sister, Kim, is back again with another guest post, this time tackling Pinterest! 

Pinterest is a bully.

It’s that snotty kid in third grade that had better clothes, better accessories and better hair and made sure that everyone knew about it. It shows you cute and easy things to add to your ever growing list of things life already demands and says, just one more finishing touch and this will be perfect. You will be perfect. It makes stay-at-home moms look bad for not doing these cutesy crafts with their kids every second of the day and it fuels the anxiety-ridden masses to push harder and set the bars unrealistically high.

Plus, it’s a liar.

How many times have you tried to replicate something you’ve seen and fallen short of the desired outcome? Often times this can be because of user error, failure to read the instructions, failure to include instructions or the fact that we just aren’t meant to build a 3D paper model of the Eiffel tower. Actually, it looks super easy as long as you have the right tools…

With Halloween right around the corner and a skeptic heart, I decided to try some popular decorating ideas and see what happens. Oh my, indeed.

First up: Frankenstein pudding cups.

They look pretty standard so I didn’t even bother to pull up the photo for reference. Whoops! Had I done that, I may have realized I needed an Oreo cookie topping or that even a chocolate cake crumb topping would have sufficed.

So I gathered my supplies and set to work.

Pinterest - Frankenstein set up

Instructions:

  1. Draw faces on the cups with permanent markers
  2. Follow the pudding instructions and add green food colouring
  3. Put the pudding into the cups and sprinkle on your topping

My first thought was that these would be awesome for a classroom party or even as an office treat. What I didn’t realize was that one box of pudding only makes 4 – ½-cup servings. So either parents everywhere are going to stock up on pudding and cause a global shortage OR parents are going to be sending in tiny pudding shots to their children’s classroom parties. It’s rather fussy, so just eat your damn pudding the normal way!

As a side note, if you are going to make these, make sure your cups are plain and don’t have any designs on them like mine do.

Pinterest - Frankenstein finished

Next up: Jell-O worms.

Despite the fact that these worms actually look like worms (gross!) I was picturing mine to be more like a gummy worm and opted for green Jell-O.

Pinterest - Worms set up

Instructions:

  1. Follow the Jell-O instructions
  2. Secure straws with a rubber band
  3. Pour Jell-O into the straws
  4. Once set they should slide right out.

Being cocky got me into some trouble as I didn’t read the instructions, and although I couldn’t figure out how the Jell-O would stay in the straws I continued anyways.

Fingers crossed!

Fingers crossed!

Then this happened.

Pinterest - Worms finished product

It turns out that after making the Jell-O as per usual, you need to add whipping cream and you MUST use bendy straws or it won’t work. Oh well, just boring regular Jell-O for now. I can see this one being a pain in the ass so I’ll just stick to buying my gummy worms from the Bulk Barn.

And finally, I thought I would try the melted crayon pumpkin.

Instructions:

  1. Lay down a garbage bag or newspaper to place your pumpkin on
  2. Peel off the papers on the crayons
  3. Glue crayons around the base of the stem
  4. Use a hairdryer on low to melt the crayons

Pinterest - Pumpkin set up

There are a few things I’d like to say about this one. I was going to use the crazy glue to stick the crayons on, but after fighting with a sewing needle to pierce the opening and then the pliers to free the sewing needle, I discovered that the entire tube was dry.

So I thought I would just melt the crayons enough with the hairdryer to make them stick to the pumpkin that way. I now have third-degree burns on my fingers.  *Tip: Use a glue gun instead. I have 2!*

Also, it said to only use half a crayon, but I thought it looked a little sparse so I used the whole thing. Wow, crayon overload. And it does say specifically to use the hairdryer on low, but I became impatient and turned it on high. It goes so much faster, but it also makes the hot crayon spray in random directions. Needless to say I involuntarily waxed my legs in a few spots.

Pinterest - Pumpkin final product

I wasn’t overly impressed with the end result, because in the end I’m going to have to carve it and clean it anyways, so this one was kind of a waste too.

In conclusion, I spent my entire evening trying to complete these crafts for the Halloween season and, to be honest, I hate this holiday.

Also, Emma needs more crayons.

~ Kim

If you’d like to write a guest post and join in the Weather Vane Sisterhood fun, email us at weathervanesisterhood at gmail dot com. We’d love to have you!