Signing up for the mess

There was a time about 4-5 years ago, before I had this ring on my left hand, when Cody and I were seriously considering having children. Before marriage, against the grain. We were already living with each other, bought our house and wanted to start “The Rest of Our Lives.” Marriage was the “Next Step,” but for some reason we wanted babies first. I longed to be a mother, and hearing that Cody was just as excited as I was to have babies meant more than a proposal; it meant together forever – a part of Cody.

Then reality hit us: we were young, we had one vehicle, we were in debt with the house, I was in debt from school. We didn’t want to be at home all the time when our friends were still very young. And most of all, we didn’t want to regret each other, we still had growing to do in our relationship – I mean we weren’t ready for marriage but we were more than ready for a baby? We were crazy!

I was not ready for late nights that were not late because I chose them to be.

I was not ready to ask Cody for a shower because I was too busy with the baby and couldn’t get one in until he got home.

I was not ready for poo on my face…

Sweetie you have shit on your face

Sweetie, you have shit on your face.

 

I was not ready.  Or was I scared…

I was scared. I was scared I would never be able to have a baby the conventional way, that I wouldn’t be able to feel a baby in my belly, that the medication I was on would never allow me to have these ups and downs of pregnancy. That even if I did get pregnant, I wouldn’t be able to carry it to term because of a seizure, that I would be on bed rest as soon as I peed on that stick.

So, I decided to focus on getting healthy, for me and for Cody and my family of the future, and I put that feeling in the pit of my stomach, the maternal need, on the back burner.

Then we were asked to write this post, and I dug those feelings back up. These are the same feelings that make me happy for all 6 of the women I work with, all of which are in my department that are expecting. The same feelings I have when I pick out baby outfits for one of my best friends.

I want to be a mother, I want the messy, tired, exhausted, blessed, loving life of a mother. The one where you ask your significant other to take the baby for 5 minuets while you hop in the shower. The one where you fall asleep with your baby in your arms. Where the days melt together.

I am healthy and I am ready…if you can ever be ready.

~ Jacqui

Guest Post – Mrs. Almost-DiCaprio

Julia’s sister-in-law (and the sisterhood’s honorary sister) is guest blogging with us today. Thank you for writing with us, Kim! You can catch Kim baking up some beautiful (and delicious!) treats at her bakery, Y.U.M.

~ ~ ~

I am a loving mother and devoted wife, but last night I dream cheated.

dream cheat [dreem cheet]
verb

1. to experience sexual infidelity or emotional attachments during a subconscious state with someone other than your partner

In my dream I was being pursued by Leonardo DiCaprio.

This Leo:

Not this Leo:

In my dream, Leo was focused on me regardless of the other attractive women present, and was reassuring me of my beauty. I felt self-conscious around him; he is an Oscar-nominated actor who normally dates super models who feast on lettuce and lemon water and I am a mom with stretch marks and yesterday’s mascara smudged into the bags underneath my eyes.

Nothing crazy happened; it was all about the subtle details. He nudged my leg with his knee while we sat at a table with a group of people. He gave me a trinket and it made me feel special. I never actually dream cheat in a scandalous way, my subconscious won’t allow it. Soon Leo was trying to kiss me and corner me in dark rooms and proceed with his busy hands.

Seriously, who wouldn’t want a piece of this?

Kim looking like Cousin It

Sexy Kim

Or this?

Kim as a Spartan

Spartan Kim

It was at that point that I told Mr. DiCaprio that I was married. Enough was enough, he needed to know that although he loved my real-woman physique, I belonged to another and he could never have me. He was upset, but respected me and understood.

If this ever happens in real life, I’ve heard it’s easier to ask for forgiveness than permission.

I love my husband, more than I did yesterday and more than I did the day before. He is my soul mate, my teammate, my best friend and the father of my child. When they say opposites attract, they aren’t kidding. Craig and I are almost polar opposites, but it’s what makes us us. We click together like puzzle pieces and bring out the best in each other. We have been together since 2006. That’s 8 years or 29% of my life and I choose him every day.

Craig and Kim

Craig and Kim

He’s so lucky.

~ Kim

If you’d like to write a guest post and join in the Weather Vane Sisterhood fun, email us at weathervanesisterhood at gmail dot com. We’d love to have you!