So today I want to just bring up a touchy (at least to me, it used to be) subject:
I cry… a lot.
I cry when I’m excited.
I cry when I’m sad.
I cry when I’m happy.
I cry when I’m frustrated.
I cry when I don’t want to and I cry when I know I just need to.
It always sucks when I am going along with my life, and something just happens, whether it is a conversation that is hard, or I see something that reminds me of something from the past, out come my waterworks.
Everything is connected to my tear ducts and I just can’t seem to help it!
I was talking to my favourite counselor back when I lived with the Mommy and she said something to me that I have been working on.
“Andreah, your emotions are a part of you, they are like waves crashing against us. You either need to learn to accept it and ride out those waves, or you are going to drown in them.”
I do my best every day, I work my hardest to make sure I ride the waves, so that I can get through the day without bursting into tears at the drop of the hat.
My sisters, I know, are just as frustrated at the tears as well. After all, they have been a witness to it for 23 years.
“And there she goes again!”
I know how frustrating it is. I wish I could stop! I wish I had little tiny corks to shove in my tear ducts!
Joe sometimes comes home and asks, completely worried, “What happened? Why are you crying?”
Usually it is me finding some video that pulls at the heart strings, or a new song that makes me think of family.
I know that it is silly to be frustrated over something so small, but when it is your constant, it gets kind of old.
I’m tired of the tears as well! I am tired of crying over the smallest thing!
I WISH I COULD STOP TOO!
I am working on it though. I have my breathing exercises that help. I have my visuals that I put in my brain to calm my emotions. I gently relax every part of my body to just calm all the nerves.
It is a tediously slow process of trying to master my emotions, and is so incredibly hard some days, but I am still trying and I hope one day I will be able to not have to worry about my tears.